Back to the Start
by spirithorse
Summary: AU. There were probably a thousand more reasons why she wanted to help this boy, but the most pressing one was because he was abandoned and alone, and she knew how that felt.


**Author's Note:** To explain, this is the back story of Suzaku before the events in the story _My Mirror, Sword and Shield._ It's being posted separately because, while the content has to do with the main fic, but it didn't really have a place in the plot. The title comes from the Coldplay song, The Scientist.

**Back to the Start**

_December 18, 2028_

Cecile locked the last of the doors that protected the lab and its various experiments. Lab C-2 always stuck, so she always went to that one last. That and the lab was the closest to the kitchen and, therefore, the dumpster. It was the last of her tasks for the day, since Lloyd had slipped out earlier. He had probably heard about Rakshata's latest triumph and had returned to their house to try and duplicate her success. It was a wonder that she was still putting up with him.

She jerked the key out and headed for the kitchen, dropping her purse on the table before reaching for the bags of trash. At least she had gotten someone to gather the trash; it made her job that much easier. But that sill left her as the last person in the building, a dangerous thing for a Britannian woman to be, even with the peace between the countries. Ten years was a long time for peace to hold; people who knew better were just waiting for it to crack, although most were sure that the peace would hold until Empress Nunnally died. It was her strong leadership that had kept them together so far, and her quick thinking that had kept them from collapsing into war.

Cecile pulled the door open, dragging the bags after her. She adjusted her hold on them before turning to look at the dumpster. She froze at the sound of a can rattling over the pavement. Cecile dropped the bags and stepped back towards the door. Her hand dropped to her side, touching the bulge of her gun beneath the lab coat that she wore. If she had to choose between shouting and running, she would run. She was a scientist before she was a soldier, always.

There was a soft curse from the dumpster, Cecile tensing as she recognized the Japanese accent. She flipped her lab coat back, resting her fingers against the cold metal of her gun. "Who's there?"

For a moment, no one answered. Then a dark shape appeared from the dumpster. The head of the shadow dropped, staring at her gun before cursing again, turning to get away.

Cecile narrowed her eyes and pulled out her gun. "Stop. Put your hands in the air and turn to face me, slowly."

She saw the shadow shiver before it turned around, Cecile feeling her initial panic start to fade. It was just a boy. She had pulled her gun on a boy. Cecile blushed and slid the gun back into place. "Sorry. I'm so sorry; I thought that you were…" She didn't want to consider what she had been thinking. "Don't be afraid."

The boy hesitated before edging forward, Cecile watching as he attempted to speak a few times before he cleared his throat. "My fault."

Cecile tipped her head to the side. The boy could speak Britannian, at least basic Britannian, with a Japanese accent. A Japanese accent and tattered clothes. Her eyes widened, Cecile purposefully keeping her movements slow. "It's fine. You just startled me." She licked her lips and attempted a smile. "Are you hungry? I could get you something, or you could come in."

The boy winced. "I can't."

"Just stay here a minute." Cecile hesitated long enough to be sure that the boy would stay before rushing back inside. She darted to the fridge, taking out a container of take out that she had intended to make Lloyd eat. She sprinted back outside, placing the carton down between the two of them before backing away.

She could tell by the way he jerked toward the food that he was very hungry. So she had been right with her guess. His family had probably fallen upon hard times, so he was forced to dig through dumpsters for food. It was all she could do to help, and she felt horribly about it. There were laws in place to help reduce poverty, if not eliminate it, but his family might be too proud to accept the help.

"For you, as an apology." She gestured toward the carton again.

That's all it took for the boy to dash forward, grab the carton and scurry off. What surprised Cecile was the fact that he stopped and bowed to her, "Thank you."

Cecile found herself waving to him as he jogged off, the smile on her face disappearing quickly.

She hoisted the bags into the dumpster before walking back into the kitchen. She locked the door behind her before gathering her purse and heading for the door at the front of the building, but her mind still stuck on the image of the starving boy.

Now, looking back on what the boy had looked like, she wasn't even sure if he had a family. It was just as likely that he was an orphan. There were many orphans now, most of them from parents addicted to Refrain. Refrain had been the one thing that the world was still struggling with. Poverty and fear had driven many to use the drug before the tyrant had been overthrown, and it was easy to get addicted to Refrain, and just as easy to die from an overdose. And that left homeless children wandering the streets, most of them Japanese.

Cecile winced, adjusting her purse over her shoulder. She didn't have the same clout with the empress anymore, she and Lloyd had chosen to live in exile rather than rely on Nunnally's protection. There were others that needed it more, and they hadn't been important enough to warrant the protection. They had only fixed the Knightmare Frames and made one prototype Knightmare that had served for a few days before being put aside as worthless. That hadn't stopped Lloyd from continuing to fiddle with the Knightmare though, and there had been no way to stop Lloyd from protesting when the Lancelot had been decommissioned. That one Knightmare was why they were out here; Lloyd was still chasing the success that had slipped away from him, and a way to rebuild his precious Lancelot.

She let her hand drop to brush against her gun. It was a show of goodwill towards the country that Britannia would let their best scientists work alongside the Japanese people. It was basically to make up for everything that Britannia had done, but it showed the Japanese that the Britannians trusted them. And it also gave the country hostages to use against Britannian if the need ever arose, but Nunnally had been the one to point this out to them privately. None of that meant anything if the people got angry; she and Lloyd would be among the first victims. But even that wasn't likely to happen anymore, things had settled.

Cecile sighed and let her hand fall to her side and dangle there. She had to hurry if she wanted to get home before Lloyd started running the more dangerous of his experiments. And she would have to stop and get food for the both of them for tomorrow, and for the boy.

* * *

><p><em>December 23, 2028<em>

Suzaku glanced down the street both ways before scurrying into the alley behind the laboratory. He didn't usually make the habit of returning to the same places for food this many times in a row. He was still new on the streets, still low on the peeking order. There were others that would try to take the spot from him, others that had decades of experience on the street to his measly year. And they would probably hurt the nice Britannian woman. Suzaku ducked behind the dumpster, glancing at the door as he settled down to wait.

This would have to be his last time then, it would get too dangerous otherwise.

But he was loathe to give up a spot like this, he was getting good food. It was harder to find food as it got colder, especially when he just wanted to spend most of his day trying to stay warm. It was hard to find good clothes at this time of year too. He could always beg, if he had to. Suzaku's pride had left him after the first few months on the streets and his first taste of starvation.

Suzaku rubbed his arms, feeling how thin his shirt was. He would have to find a new one soon, unless he wanted to go into an orphanage. Suzaku shivered at the thought. He was too old to be cute and too old to be adopted. It would only be temporary, and he would be miserable. He bit his lip and glanced at the door. Besides, he knew how to take care of himself; he had been doing that since he was six, since the Refrain addiction had taken over his mother's life.

Suzaku jumped at the sound of the door opening, automatically searching for cover. He froze when he saw it was the Britannian woman. He offered her a smile before sitting back down. She squatted next to him, Suzaku forcing himself not to look at the food that the woman had brought out. Even without his pride, he still had manners. He waited until the woman pushed the food to him, muttering a quick "Thank you" in Britannian before digging into the food.

He didn't really bother savoring the taste; he was too busy trying to eat slowly. He wanted to be sure that the food would stay down. If he couldn't be warm all of the time, at least he could be full.

Suzaku looked up as the woman cleared her throat, pausing as he watched her shift nervously. He watched as she folded and unfolded her hands, glancing up at her face before crossing his legs, settling into a more comfortable position.

"You know that we won't be here for the next few days."

Suzaku froze, staring at her before he nodded. He couldn't remember the date, he had lost track of time while he was out on the streets. All he knew was that it was getting colder. He swallowed, trying to come up with a plan. He would have to find a new supply of food for those days until they came back, for whatever reason they were leaving. Suzaku forced a smile on his face. "Alright."

"Will you be alright?"

He started at that, surprised that she cared. He bit back his initial reply, dropping his hands to rest on his ankles. He wasn't used to people caring about him like this; he was just another Refrain orphan. Suzaku shifted in place. "I'll be fine."

"You sure?" The woman rocked back onto her heels, smiling apologetically. "Alright, I'll stop asking. Unless, you want to…"

Suzaku tensed as he realized what she was asking. This woman was willing to take him in just on what she had seen. And it would be so easy to accept, because it would mean that he would be safe.

He opened his mouth to respond, snapping it shut when the door opened, revealing a tall man in a lab coat. "Cecile, I need those measurements."

"I put them on your desk. Did you lose them already?" The woman gave a long sigh before standing. She walked over to the door, pausing with her hand on the knob. "You'll be alright."

"Yes."

She nodded and disappeared into the building, Suzaku gathering up the food. He wouldn't visit this spot much longer, he would eat back at his hideout and plan ahead for the days to come. There were plenty of other dumpsters to look in, especially with a holiday coming up. Maybe there was a chance that he would find some better clothes.

Suzaku dashed across the street, clutching the food close. He could survive the next few days, he was sure of it; a year on the streets had proven that. And he would wait to see if the woman asked him to stay again, because he didn't want to spend his entire life on the streets; he just wanted a normal life.

* * *

><p><em>December 25, 2028<em>

Cecile stared at her glass of eggnog, poking the slice of turkey still on her plate. Her gaze drifted to the leftovers, her mind straying to the Japanese boy. There was plenty here, enough for all of them for a few days. Cecile groaned and pushed the food away, she couldn't even go two days without thinking about the boy. She was safe and warm in her small house, and he was out in the streets.

She thought that she was done fretting over men on Christmas. Her life had conspired against her to the point where all her Christmases were filled with worry about men; first her brother, then her father, her almost fiancée, Lloyd and finally the Japanese boy. She frowned, staring at the food for a moment before pushing away from the table. She stormed over to the cabinet, leaning over to rummage through the Tupperware. She couldn't stand to see food on the table anymore.

There was more clatter than she intended, but Cecile couldn't help herself. The sight of so much uneaten food when that boy was starving annoyed her. Cecile sighed, dropping the containers in the fridge before going back to the table. She froze as she saw Lloyd staring back at her, the scientist smiling around the spoon in his mouth.

He shifted on the sofa, carefully balancing the bowl of pudding on his lap. Lloyd took his time licking the spoon clean before sticking it back into the bowl. "What has the dinner done now?"

"What?"

"Has the food offended you? Cecile, that's childish."

"It…" She stared at him as she tried to process what he had just said. She just barely stopped herself from throwing something at him. "No. It's-No. I'm just-"

"Thinking about that boy again." Lloyd raised an eyebrow before leaning back on the couch again, poking at his pudding with the spoon. "There are thousands of others like him out there, and you taking pity on one of them won't help the rest."

"It's not about the rest."

"Of course." Lloyd tipped his head back to look at her, grinning before sitting upright again. "Remember what I told you Cecile, it's a choice between protecting your heart or sacrificing it to science."

Cecile opened her mouth to respond, snapping it shut at the last minute. Lloyd wouldn't understand if she said that she didn't want either, that this wasn't about her career, it was about her feelings. But Lloyd couldn't understand feelings; his previous engagement with Lady Ashford had proven that without a doubt. It was a saving grace that Ruben Ashford had a good sense of humor, or they'd be without one of their sponsors.

It was about the fact that she had just _left_ the boy out there on his own, multiple times, when she knew what was right.

Cecile leaned on the table, staring at the surface. That boy would spend the rest of his life on the fringes of society, unable to get a job that would afford him the smallest of luxuries and a constant reminder to the Japanese government of their subjugation by Britannia. If the world as a whole weren't afraid of the repercussions of their actions, Cecile suspected that the stripping of the physical reminders of Britannia's empire wouldn't have stopped at statues and flags; it would have carried on to the people.

She jumped as something clattered on the table, watching the empty bowl wobble before settling onto its base, Lloyd sliding into the chair in front of it. He rested his chin on his hand, raising an eyebrow.

The staring contest went on for a few moments before Lloyd threw his hands into the air. "I don't understand you. If you want him to be safe, why didn't you bring him here?"

Cecile made a high pitched sound, clearing her throat quickly. "I wanted to get your opinion on it."

"Like I'd care." Lloyd shrugged and pointed towards the door that led to the small garage. "As long as he didn't bother my work, I couldn't care less. Besides, this is your house."

"But you live here too!"

"Yes, but I'm just another stray you have adopted." Lloyd smiled at her. "I shouldn't have a say." He pushed away from the table, giving Cecile a wave as he strolled towards the garage. "Call me for the Christmas special, you know how I like disproving their attempts science."

Cecile nodded automatically, flinching as Lloyd slammed the door shut. She slumped after a moment of quiet. She gathered the rest of the dishes and took them to the sink, piling them there. She would wash them later, while Lloyd was busy shouting at the television. She would watch the special later, Lloyd tended to ruin science fiction shows, he could never turn his brain off for long enough to appreciate them.

She jumped as the door opened again, Lloyd peeking out. "By the way, get more pudding. We're out."

Cecile stared at him until he shut the door, shaking her head before walking over to the sofa and flopping onto it. She reached up for the blanket that was there and rolled herself into it, settling down and just staring at the wall, enjoying the warmth. It was comfortable enough just to take a nap, especially with that turkey settling in her stomach.

"Cecile, did you hear what I-"

"Get your own pudding."

* * *

><p>Suzaku braced himself against the wall, pressing his head against the cold cement as he tried to calm his breathing down. It wasn't helping, but the wall felt good against his forehead. He groaned, leaning at little harder against the wall before pushing away, stumbling back down the corridor to where the small pile of blankets was.<p>

He collapsed onto them, wincing as he felt the floorboards give a little with the move. They would last the winter, he knew that. Now it was a question if he would.

Suzaku curled in on himself, trying to ignore the way his stomach twisted and the shivers that were running up his spine, even though he was sure that he was too hot. He reached behind him to grope for a blanket, trying to wrap himself up just in case the blissful heat disappeared again. It had happened last night, and Suzaku had woken up shivering and unable to move. He didn't know exactly what was wrong with him, but he knew that he was sick and that he couldn't keep anything down; which was a problem.

He had tried to go out foraging the day before, but had only managed to get through a block before he had collapsed beside a dumpster, too exhausted to go on. Today hadn't been any better; all he had managed to do was stumble down the hall to throw up before stumbling back to his bed and sleeping. At least he was conserving energy, but there wasn't much energy to conserve in the first place.

Suzaku squeezed his eyes shut, trying to count the days until he had a steady supply of food again. The Britannian woman had said a few days, but that didn't tell him anything. Did she mean three or more? If it were just three days, he could survive that, but he couldn't survive more. Even if some of the others took pity on him, it wouldn't be for long. Most would probably just try to kill him, to put him out of his misery. He whimpered and curled up, pulling the blanket over his head.

What had his mother done when he was sick? He had forgotten her face and voice before the Refrain had taken over her life. He remembered the scratchy voice and the almost skeletal figure more than anything else.

He remembered that she had ignored him, too caught up in the memories of the past to care that her son was sneezing or couldn't stop coughing. He remembered that she was always talking about Mt. Fuji and cursing some demon. That's what most of her dreams were towards the end, of some Britannian demon that she would warn him to avoid.

Suzaku shook his head, wincing as it throbbed in pain. He couldn't remember what had come before all of that, before his mother had chosen her memories over him. He just knew that that time had existed, and it couldn't be gotten back.

He bit his lip to keep the tears from coming, crying took effort, far more than he was willing to give. Besides, he was strong, he had learned to live on his own. He had always taken care of himself when he was sick before. But that had been once, and with a warm house to return to, and a mostly steady supply of food. It had only been in his mother's last weeks that she had stopped going to work.

This was much worse. He couldn't get warm, or he was too warm and couldn't get cool. There was no food within easy distance and everyone was against him, too caught up in their holiday to notice. Suzaku sighed, shifting until he found a comfortable position.

He would sleep now and then worry about food when he woke up. This was probably just a one day bug, like the one he had caught last spring when he had stayed out in the rain for too long. Tomorrow, he would be better. And then, the day after that, he would check back at the Britannian woman's work and see if things could return to normal.

* * *

><p><em>December 27, 2028<em>

The world was horribly blurry today. Suzaku tried to swallow, but ended up coughing, having to stop and lean against the nearest wall. He remained there a moment after the fit had passed, catching his breath before continuing onward. The world was blurry, his throat was sore from coughing and he was cold, his shirt finally beginning to come apart. His grand plan to just sleep off the sickness hadn't worked, because it had stayed, and it was still there.

Suzaku shook his head, pausing at the edge of the road to look at the building, smiling as he saw that the lights were on. That had to mean that they were there. He just hoped that he was somewhat on time; he didn't want the Britannian women to worry, or to get hurt because she was waiting for him.

He swallowed, managing not to cough this time, before stumbling to the curb. He gave the street a quick check before shuffling across. He slipped into the alley, wobbling dangerously on his feet. Suzaku knocked against the dumpster once, bracing himself against it to try and regain his balance before his knees gave out.

He scrambled for a hold on the dumpster, managing to hold himself up for a moment before he collapsed onto the ground.

Suzaku flinched as he scraped his arm, rolling away to try and look at the injury. He brought his arm up to his face, not quite able to see as his vision swam. He wasn't sure if that was because it was close to crying, the abuse on his already numb arm _hurt_, or because of something else.

He groaned and let his arm flop back to the ground, staring up at the sky as he tried to catch his breath. Suzaku pushed down another wave of nausea before carefully pushing himself up onto all fours. He crawled to the side of the side of the dumpster that was close to the door. Here he couldn't be seen from the street, which was good. He just wanted to hide while he was vunerable. He would only stay out here long enough to get food before heading back to his hideout. Then he could go back to sleeping and getting over whatever this sickness was.

He remained splayed out on the ground for a while before slowly shifting until he was pressed in the corner where the dumpster met the wall. He pulled his legs close to him, relishing the little warmth that he got. Suzaku let his head drop to rest on his knees, letting out a long sigh.

He hoped that the Britannian woman would appear quickly, it was colder when he wasn't moving. He pulled his legs closer, settling down again. Another coughing fit interrupted his moving. Suzaku groaned and pressed his head against his knees, feeling the shivers start again. He closed his eyes, already exhausted. Suzaku shifted again, finally finding a comfortable position, closing his eyes and starting to doze.

* * *

><p>Cecile had been tempted to run out the door as soon as the work day had started to wind down. But Lloyd hadn't let her. Apparently this stupid experiment was more important than the Japanese boy. Cecile huffed and pushed the papers away from her, backing away from the table. Lloyd was completely immersed in attaching wires together in a strange order. Cecile took a moment to be sure that Lloyd was distracted before slipping out.<p>

She ran towards the kitchen, ignoring the surprised looks that were sent her way. Her sudden entrance into the kitchen startled the man that was in there. He gave her a weak smile before turning back to wiping down the counter. "Going to feed your little stray?"

Cecile shot him a glare before going to open the door. Today she would invite the boy in, because it was frigid outside. And it would be a time for him to actually eat his fill and eat slowly.

If she could, she would get him to talk to her and try to see if he wanted to be adopted. She had thought about it all through their days off. She wanted to give this boy the chance to grow up normally. The adoption process would be a bit harder since he came from the streets instead of an orphanage, but it was doable. Cecile had spoken with social workers over the phone about the process, and it had given her something to do over their break. But she would only move forward if the boy wanted to be adopted.

Cecile opened the door, glancing around before spotting the boy where he was curled up in a corner. She tried to fight back a smile as she crouched on the ground. The expression disappeared quickly as she really looked at the boy.

He was shivering and flushed. He didn't respond to her immediately, slowly lifting his head to blink at her. Cecile breathed a sigh of relief when he seemed to recognize her and smiled. Her relief didn't last long as the boy started coughing, his whole body shaking.

She pulled her coat off, wrapping it around him before lifting him from the ground. To her surprise, he didn't struggle, just shifting close to her. Cecile carefully checked her hold on him, holding him with one arm while she fumbled with the door.

The door opened a moment later, Cecile pushing past the man as he openly stared at her. "Damn, Cecile."

"Shut up, Alex." She let the door slam behind her, ignoring Alex as he trailed after her.

"When Lloyd said stray, I though he meant a cat. But…Jesus, Cecile, that's a kid!"

"I know!" Cecile turned to shout at him, wincing at the whimper from the boy in her arms. She held him close for a moment longer, reaching up to sweep the hair from his forehead. Her fingers lingered on the boy's forehead, feeling the warmth that was there. "And he's sick."

She bit her lip, gently setting the boy on the bench and pulling on her coat. "Tell Lloyd that I've gone home. Someone else can close up today."

Cecile pushed her purse onto her shoulder, scooping the boy up again and walking out of the kitchen. She walked quickly through the building, trying to calm her initial panic. The boy was still alive, and whatever bug he had was probably not dangerous. But it was probably made worse because of the conditions he had been living in. It was a miracle that she had found him before it had gotten worse. But she could try to keep it from reaching that stage, and she would try to rush the adoption, just for the ability to get him into a good hospital.

Still, that was something to worry about later. Right now she had to focus on getting the boy home and trying to break the fever. Cecile glanced down at him again, watching as he turned to press against her, muttering something that she couldn't quite catch. She bit her lip, holding him tightly, like he would drift away at any moment. He felt so skinny, even through the layers of her coat and the lab coat that was wrapped around him.

Cecile swallowed, glancing down the street. It was a good thing that she only lived a block from where the lab was, most of the scientists living along this row of houses. Ten years ago, this had been where the emperor had his administration building, the lab one of the few surviving buildings from the time, the rest had been pulled down to make this neighborhood.

She had to shift her grip on the boy when she got to the door, reaching for her keys to unlock the door. She shoved her hip into the door to get it to open when it was unlocked, tugging her keys from the lock and kicking the door shut behind her.

Cecile walked over to the sofa, setting the boy down on it before pulling the blanket that she always kept draped over the back over him as well. She remained by his side for a moment, stroking the sweaty hair away from his face before forcing herself to walk away. First thing she would have to do would be to check his temperature, then she could decide if she could just give him medicine or if she would have to put him into a cold bath. Cecile didn't want to risk the latter, especially with the boy having been outside in the cold for so long.

She jogged up the stairs, ducking into her bedroom and rushing into the bathroom through the door there. It took a little bit of digging in her medicine cabinet and a few curses at Lloyd when she couldn't find her thermometer in its usual place. Of course he would dig through here for something he would use. Thankfully, nothing was missing; it would have shown up on the kitchen table when Lloyd was done with it. She grabbed the thermometer and a bottle of cold medicine, not wanting to leave the boy alone for too long.

Thankfully, he was still curled up on the couch when she got back. Cecile sighed in relief, crossing the room and kneeling by his side, running a hand through his hair. That got him to open his eyes, the boy groaning and trying to uncurl.

Cecile dropped her hand to rest on his shoulder. "Hey." He offered her a smile before curling in on himself and starting to cough. She held his shoulder all through his coughing fit, glancing down at the thermometer in her hand. "Listen, I'm going to need you to open your mouth."

The boy's eye's widened, Cecile giving his shoulder a slight squeeze. "I'm just going to take your temperature."

"W-why?"

Cecile stared at him before smiling, reaching up to ruffle his hair. "Because I want to take care of you." His eyes widened a bit more before the boy slowly sat up, staring at her. Cecile sighed and lifted her hand from his head. "You're sick. Do I need a better reason?"

He opened his mouth, just staring at her. He reached up to pull at the blanket around him before staring at the floor. "I'm from the streets. I'm-"

"I don't care. Now," Cecile glanced at the thermometer and gave it a shake, "open your mouth and keep this under your tongue."

He obeyed meekly, Cecile settling down on the floor and crossing her legs. She watched as he huddled in his blankets, glancing quickly up at her every once and a while. He opened his mouth willingly when she reached for the thermometer, Cecile turning it between her fingers until she could see the red line clearly.

She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw that it was a slight fever, turning her attention to the bottle by her foot. She ran her fingers over the cap as she swallowed. The boy was still nervous, shifting on the sofa and giving her sideways glances. She couldn't do this, couldn't force this on him if he didn't want it.

Cecile shook her head and shifted so she was resting on her knees instead of sitting with her legs crossed. "I won't do anything, unless you want me to. I just want to try to help."

He glanced up at her, biting his lip. She watched him play with the end of the blanket before nodding slowly. "I didn't…I don't…"

"Oh." Cecile straightened up, wrapping her arms around him as he trembled. For a moment, she was sure that he would back away, but he didn't. Instead, he pressed his forehead against her shoulder. Cecile sighed and held him, jerking slightly in surprise when she felt his arms wrap around her neck. She felt herself begin to smile, moving so they could both sit on the couch.

For a moment, she was tempted to pull the boy onto her lap, but she restrained herself. They could move onto that later. He was sick and scared that she would kick him out. She was probably the closest thing to a mother he had anymore.

So she let him go, let him settle back on his end of the couch.

The boy gave her a weak smile before pulling his knees to his chest, watching her carefully. Cecile sighed, that was another think she would just have to get used to for a while. He would be watching everything carefully. "I'll give you a choice then."

"A choice?"

"Yes." She reached down to pick up the bottle, showing it to him, making sure to keep eye contact with him. "You're going to stay here until you get better."

"Okay." That got a smile out of him, the boy uncurling slightly.

"The choice is this, you can leave as soon as you're better or you can stay. I won't make you do either and I won't try and force you into a choice. I promise."

He tipped his head to the side. "Why?"

"Because you've stuck around." Cecile turned the bottle in her hands, skimming over the instructions to have something to do. "And because you deserve better than to be just digging through dumpsters and begging in the streets. Do I really need another reason?"

"You don't know me."

"No. But I want to help you."

She had done so many things in her lifetime that had led to death. She had helped Lloyd repair Knightmares and had piloted a few of them herself. She had stood by as the emperor had used the F.L.E.I.J.A. to end the War of Ascension. She had watched as the people who had stood against the emperor were systematically executed. She had done nothing as the emperor himself had been assassinated. And then she had faced Empress Nunnally knowing all of that. She had deserved the hour that Nunnally had spent yelling at them, deserved the label of murderer that was attached to her and Lloyd. Lloyd didn't care, but she did. She knew how it felt to lose people.

Her brother had probably been either the luckiest or unluckiest guy that she knew. He had always been getting hurt when he was a child, but then he had decided to join the military. Then she had to put up with the letters from his superiors telling them that he had barely missed being killed again. She had managed to keep her family together for the four years of her high school that her brother had remained lucky. Then he had died.

Her father had followed him in her freshman year in college, finally succumbing to the cancer he had been fighting. Her mother had disappeared into her side of the family to grieve and Cecile had been lost.

She had lost the man that would have been her fiancée. She should have known better than to fall in love with another military man. But she had, and he had gone off to fight to secure Area 18. Cecile had only found out that he was going to propose to her when they had sent her the engagement ring back with the rest of his effects via one of his friends. Only then had she heard about his elaborate plan to propose to her and then sweep her out of her internship with Lloyd, just to try to get a rise out of the man.

For once in her life, she just wanted to save one person. Just one person to prove to herself that she wasn't a murder, that she did still have a heart. She wasn't in the scientific field to forget she was human or to work away her sorrows. She did it because she had walked into her high school chemistry class and _loved_ it. She didn't want to turn out to be Lloyd, she wanted to be able to have feelings and still be a scientist.

There were probably a thousand more reasons why she wanted to help this boy, but the most pressing one was because he was abandoned and alone, and she knew how that felt.

Cecile looked up from the bottle to smile at him, glad to see that he had managed to relax a bit more. "Let's try to get that fever down. Now, how old are you?"

The boy hesitated for a moment, mouthing something to himself before looking around the room. He finally looked back at her and blushed. "Ten, I think."

"Ten…" Cecile forced herself not to think too hard about it. She just needed a number to pour out the correct dosage. Besides, his mother was already dead; she couldn't strangle the woman for leaving her son out on his own at such a young age.

She bit her lip and poured out the recommended dose, hesitating before handing the plastic cup to the boy. "Are you allergic to anything?"

"Nope." He gave her a smile before wrinkling his nose and downing the contents of the cup. He made a face after he swallowed, passing the cup back to her and wiping an arm across his mouth. "Disgusting."

"It always is." Cecile laughed and stood up, wandering into the kitchen and making sure to stay within his line of sight. "Are you hungry?"

The boy nodded, Cecile mentally cursing at her stupid question. She shook her head and opened the cabinets until she found where the cans of soup were, looking through them and pulling a few out. "Now, I probably the worst cook in the world, but I can follow instructions on a can. So, chicken or tomato?"

The boy tipped his head to the side, scooting to the edge of the sofa. "Chicken."

"Chicken soup coming up." Cecile put the other can back before opening the can of chicken soup, pouring it into a saucepan and setting it on the stove. She glanced at the back of a can, reminding herself that cooking was just like chemistry, a habit that she had gotten into in college, before following the instructions. When she was sure that she wouldn't poison the boy, she leaned back against the counter, watching as the boy edged to the side of the sofa that was the closest to the kitchen.

"It's going to be a while."

"I know. Soup always takes longer than you think." The boy tipped his head to the side, settling back on the couch. "Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me. I'm just doing the right thing."

They were silent as the soup cooked, Cecile trying her best not to stare at him. For now, he seemed content to doze on the couch. He probably hadn't gotten much sleep before she had found him. Now, he could probably sleep as deeply as he wanted, since he felt safe. Or she hoped that he felt safe.

She pulled the saucepan from the top of the stove, turning off the burner before reaching for a bowl. Cecile poured the soup into the bowl, digging around for a spoon when she heard the scrape of a chair against the floor. She glanced under her arm, watching as the boy clambered into the chair, still clutching the blanket close to him. Cecile shook her head and brought the soup over to the table, setting it down.

The boy mumbled his thanks before digging in, Cecile sliding into the chair opposite of him. He didn't seem to care that she was watching at this point, completely focused on the food in front of him. Cecile smiled and leaned her check on her hand, waiting for a pause in his eating to speak. "What's your name?"

He stared at her for a moment, tipping his head to the side. "Suzaku."

"Suzaku." She tried her best to pronounce it the way he did, flinching when it came out sounding like something else entirely. "Sorry. I'm Cecile."

Suzaku nodded, glancing down at his soup before clearing his throat. "Thank you, Miss. Cecile. For everything."

She nodded, sitting across from him until he finished his soup. She put the bowl into the dishwasher, slipping up to her room to collect her book before coming back down, not surprised to see Suzaku curled up on the sofa, fast asleep.

Cecile carefully made her way over to the sofa, sitting on the other end and flipping the book open. She didn't want to leave him alone for too long, just in case he woke up and couldn't remember where he was. She settled back with a happy sigh, watching Suzaku out of the corner of her eye as she read.

It wasn't until a few hours later that Lloyd got home, and by then Suzaku had given up his awkward position on the sofa to rest his head in Cecile's lap.

She looked up from her book, only then realizing that she had a hand resting on Suzaku's shoulder. Cecile smiled to herself, carefully putting her book to one side as Lloyd walked into the kitchen.

He glanced over at them, throwing his coat against a chair before strolling over to where they were, peering down at Suzaku. "So this is your stray?" The corner of Lloyd's mouth twitched up in what might have been a smile. "Just keep him out of the garage. I have delicate things there."

Cecile turned her head to watch Lloyd amble off into his lab, shaking her head before glancing down at Suzaku. She would keep him close to her for tonight; the small room that she had originally intended for Lloyd was still in no fit shape for anyone to stay in there. She ran her hand through Suzaku's hair, glancing at the time before tipping her head back. She would stay down here for just a few hours more; she didn't want to break the peace just yet.

* * *

><p><em>January 5, 2029<em>

"Suzaku?" He looked up from the textbook that he was flipping through, sitting up as Cecile came into his room.

She smiled at him before holding up a bunch of papers. "Final papers are through."

"I can stay?"

"Yes."

He jumped off the bed, racing across the room to hug her. Cecile rocked but didn't fall over, patting the top of his head. Suzaku tipped his head back to look at her before bouncing excitedly back to the bed. "No more visits from those people?"

"No."

Suzaku nodded, satisfied with the answer. He had hated the social worker that had come to talk to them, not because she was mean or cruel, but because she was something different. He didn't know her and didn't know if she would attack them or help them. The fact that the social worker had the power to take him away from Cecile and Lloyd kept him on edge during all of her visits.

He didn't want to leave, he was happy here, even if Lloyd yelled at him for getting too close to some of the experiments that made their way into the house; but those incidents were few and far between. Lloyd was more likely to recruit him for some experiment than yell at him. And Cecile was the nicest person that he knew, although he still didn't know why she had chosen him out of all the kids on the street. It didn't matter in the end, he was happy here and that was all that mattered.

Suzaku settled on the edge of the bed, looking around the room that he had been given his second night staying with Cecile. It was nothing like his first room, the memory of that one already fading. He was sure that this one was slightly bigger, with white walls and a hardwood floor instead of cheap carpet.

He let his hand drop to the green blanket that was on his bed, the only color in the room at the moment aside from the green rugs, one running alongside his bed and the other covering part of the space between the door and his bed. There wasn't anything personal in the room to really make it his, but that would come later. His clothes were hanging in the closet with a school uniform pushed to one side, and the books for school were on his bed. It was a start.

Suzaku glanced over at the blueprint on the wall, staring at the figure drawn on it before glancing back at Cecile. "I still want to stay. I like it here."

He was rewarded by a look of shock on Cecile's face, something that quickly replaced by contentment. "That's good, because I want you to stay. Lloyd may even want you to stay too."

He chuckled at that. Lloyd was probably miss him for his small size and ability to crawl in small places. He was sure that those few cherished moments when Lloyd would hand him a cup of pudding and they would bask in the success of a scientific experiment well done meant something. It was different from Cecile's somewhat more open signs of affection, but it was still welcome. In any case, he was loved and the small house already felt like home.

Suzaku watched as Cecile walked over to his desk, sitting up straighter to watch her sign the papers, unable to stop smiling. Now he was safe, and he had a steady supply of food. Suzaku shook his head at the thought. That was the mentality of a kid of the streets, which wasn't him anymore. Now he could relax and be normal, like those kids on television and in movies.

Suzaku bounced a bit on his bed, stopping when Cecile turned to look at him. "Last name."

"What?"

"Do you want to keep your last name?"

Suzaku watched Cecile carefully, trying to determine if she would be offended if he said yes. He had already switched his loyalty from his true family to Cecile and Lloyd, but only because none of them had come to help his mother or him when they had needed it. Cecile had bee the only one willing to help him, the only one that seemed to care. It was right to be loyal to the people who would help and care for him, but there was still a source of pride in his family's name.

His father had been a soldier after all, but he didn't know anything else about Genbu Kururugi. Still, in the memory of his parents, he wanted to keep his last name.

Even then, he was still Japanese, and he was proud of it. There were still some people on the streets that swore that they were Honorary Britannians instead of Japanese. He didn't quite understand their reluctance, but he wouldn't share it.

"I'd like to stay a Kururugi."

Cecile nodded, Suzaku relieved that she didn't look offended. He collapsed back onto his bed, picking up a book and resting it on his stomach. He would continue to look through it later and cherish the fact that he had a book to his name. Right now he wanted to bask in the happiness that came from knowing no one would take him away from here.

The mattress sunk a little as Cecile sat on the edge of the bed, Suzaku tipping his head back to look at her. He yelped and curled into a ball as she went to poke him, glaring at her from under his arm. Cecile just laughed and waved the papers. "Done."

"Good." Suzaku uncurled himself, sitting up with the book in his lap.

Cecile nodded, staring at the papers. "But are you sure that you're alright going to school?"

"Yep." He didn't let her hear his hesitation. He knew Cecile wanted him to go to school to be able to get a good job, and he agreed with her. Besides, school was normal and it was fun, from what little he remembered of it before. But it was the fact that he would be leaving his home that frightened him. What if he came back and no one was there? Or what if they left him? They were stupid fears and he should have been able to get over them. But there was still a chance that Cecile and Lloyd would realize that he was no one special and leave him. He clutched the book close to his chest and nodded, surprised when Cecile gently lifted his chin.

"You know you can always say no. I would understand."

"But I don't want to be a burden." Suzaku bit his lip and stared down at the bed, blushing. "I can do this."

"You aren't. And I know you can." Cecile pulled him close, Suzaku letting the book drop to the bed to huddle against her side, enjoying the closeness of another person. Cecile gently rubbed his arm before standing up, Suzaku rolling to the other side of the bed before standing up. "Come on, Suzaku, let's have lunch."

"Leftovers?"

Cecile nodded, bending down to Suzaku's level to whisper in his ear. "Let's not tell Lloyd about the instant pudding, alright? We can have that after dinner."

Suzaku nodded eagerly and rushed out of his room, bounding down the stairs. He slid across the kitchen floor in his socks, catching himself on a chair. From upstairs he could hear the sound of Cecile laughing. From the garage, he could hear the clank of metal on metal and, occasionally, the sound of Lloyd humming. Suzaku took a deep breath and rested his arms on the table, feeling himself relax as he exhaled.

This was what home felt like, and it was wonderful.

"Suzaku? Could you get the plates out?"

"On it!"

* * *

><p><em>April 25, 2031<em>

Cecile glanced at the clock, rubbing a hand over her face and wondering where the time had gone. It was already close to dinner time, and she still had to make something. Or at least try to before calling Suzaku in to help her. But she wanted to give the boy as much time as she could to play outside, especially since he had gotten sick the weekend before and had remained cooped up in the house for much of this week.

It had been frighteningly like when she had first taken Suzaku in, he had just suddenly stopped smiling and his usual energy was severely lacking. Thankfully, Suzaku had been back to normal and back to school within a few days instead of the week it had taken him before. But he was still very skinny for his age, Cecile doing her best to make it look like she did feed him. Suzaku had the fastest metabolism of any boy that she knew, and she had talked to the parents of his friends as well.

Still, he was healthy again, and that was all that mattered. Healthy and enjoying his day off before he headed back to school.

Cecile sighed and pushed away from the table, walking over to the front door. Suzaku was most likely off playing with the two kids from down the street. Another scientist had joined them and had brought her family, including a boy and a girl about Suzaku's age. If Suzaku wasn't home yet, then the other two hadn't been called in for dinner yet.

She walked to the front door, pushing it open and looking down the street, pausing to stare at the compounds and equations that had been drawn on the sidewalk with chalk. So that's what Lloyd and Suzaku had been up to before lunch. She stopped herself from analyzing them and looked back down the street, hoping to catch a glimpse of Suzaku.

When that failed, she cupped her hands around her mouth and shouted. "Suzaku!"

The shout echoed off the houses, Cecile leaning back against the front of the house. He would come at her call, she knew that. It was just a matter of him untangling himself from whatever game he had gotten into and running down the street.

She straightened up as she saw him jogging towards her, frowning as she saw that he was holding his arms awkwardly. For a moment, she thought that he had broken something. Cecile breathed a sigh of relief when he came closer, staring at the black object in Suzaku's arms.

He bounded up the steps, beaming at her before showing her the thing, Cecile staring at the kitten that was lounging in Suzaku's arms. She jumped as the kitten yawned and then bit down on Suzaku's arm, mentally reminding herself that he was up to date on all his shots and vaccinations.

Suzaku didn't seem to be annoyed by the kitten that was biting him, still smiling brightly and cradling it. "I found him on the street. Sam was throwing rocks at it, so I rescued it." He looked down at the kitten, hesitantly stroking its back. "Can we keep it?"

Cecile opened her mouth to refuse, but just ended up shutting her mouth. Any argument she could think of both Lloyd and Suzaku could probably get around. And the fact that it was a stray wouldn't mean anything, because Suzaku was still affectionately referred to as her stray at work.

Cecile reached out to stroke the kitten, surprised when it let go of Suzaku's arm and purred. She raised an eyebrow before sighing and rolling her eyes. "I'll take it to the vet tomorrow. If it checks out, then we can keep it. But it'll be your responsibility."

Suzaku nodded and bustled past her, Cecile flinching at the yelp that she heard from Suzaku. The kitten must have bitten him again. Why the boy persisted in his one sided love affair with cats was beyond her, he always ended up bitten. Still, it was strangely satisfying to hear Suzaku talking to the kitten as she walked back into the kitchen. She watched him set up a bed for the kitten as she began to dig through the drawers for something that they could cook, and a bowl for the kitten.

Suzaku returned to her side, reading recipe that she had pulled out. "What do you think about Arthur?"

"Arthur?"

"If I get to keep him." Suzaku ducked under her arm to root through the fridge, passing her ingredients. "Lloyd is always talking about Lancelot, and I didn't know who that was. So I looked it up." He moved to dig through one of the drawers, pulling out the measuring cups. "Lancelot was a knight who served King Arthur."

"So you want to name him Arthur?"

"It's a good name for a cat." Suzaku smiled at her before turning his attention back to the recipe, pausing to look over his shoulder. "Don't you think?"

Cecile looked at where the kitten was curled up in the nest Suzaku had made it with a blanket. It was nothing more than small black lump of fur. Cecile finally shrugged. "He'll grow into it, I guess."

"Good." Suzaku turned his attention back to the recipe, Cecile going to her place by the oven.

They had worked out how to cook together, Suzaku in charge of reading the recipe and measuring the ingredients, which kept Cecile from getting the urge to experiment. Cecile was in charge of mixing and the oven. Between the two of them they managed to make edible dinners, even if they didn't look that way.

"Hey, Miss. Cecile." Suzaku paused in his careful measuring of ketchup for the meatloaf. "Do you think if we got beakers and test tubes, cooking would be easier? Because it's just like chemistry, and you're good at that."

Cecile stared at him for a moment before bursting into laughter, leaning against the counter. She could hear Suzaku laughing beside her, reaching out to poke him in the side, only to have him jump away. They smiled at each other, turning back to their tasks to the sounds of Arthur purring and of Lloyd humming in the background.

* * *

><p><em>Please read and review. Constructive criticism is welcome.<em>


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